This chapter is more like a diary rather like an article. I want to show you what real depressed person goes through daily. Real experiences and reasons of doing it.
10/7/2019. I had a bad day today. Tomorrow is supposedly the day i tender my proper resignation. On top of that i got involved into an accident I ran and broke someone’s side mirror and had to pay her RM1250. My relationship with my boyfriend is not going great either.He thinks that i dont love him as much as before. All i wanted was some space to completely recover and focus on my career. Besides that, my mum has been crying a river wishing that she could be independant on her own, that she feels like she’s burdening everyone around her including her husband. Oh, did i tell you in my previous post. My mum had optic nerve meningioma. Had surgery through her skull to removed it. She survived the surgery but she’s completely bilaterally blind. And my parents are divorced. So, im pretty much crushed from all this.
A lot has happend recently with me getting warded in PSY Hospital Selayang. Its a lot to take in at once. Almost going broke and almost going back to work where i worked before before my housemenship placement. I didnt want to go through that path again, not now. Not while i’m on medications.
My impulses were strong. I can felt it coming. My eyes glared around hoping to look for a sharp object . A needle was just right infront of my eyes. I took it and slit my wrist. But this time it was not so deep as the needle wasn’t sharp enough. I know . I failed. I relapsed again. I cried an ocean but this time i manage to control my emotions. I guess its from the Epilim im taking.
You are wondering why i did that arent you? You may ask the same question to everyone all over the world who’s suffering from mental ilnesses or just by being sad. The answer is always unexplainable. You can only understand if you go through it yourself.
Self-harm is when somebody intentionally damages or injures their body.It’s usually a way of coping with or expressing overwhelming emotional distress. ( A simple definition ).
I thought i recovered but apparently im not. Tomorrow is a big day for me. Whatever happens i hope its for the best.