This post is specifically for you and your loved ones.
I could’nt fall asleep for 3 days straight despite on quarter clonazepam, despite forcibly pushing my limits to complete tasks just so that i could fall asleep. Last week i had a relapse. My symptoms worsened after that episode. My tremors got worsened after a previous episode of swallowing 10 lorazepam on an attempt of suicide. I got hysterical and impulsive and spent a long dreadful night in Hospital Serdang ED. They injected midazolam to calm me down. Prior to arriving to the hospital , i slit my forearms multiples till it bled. If you ask me how did it felt? I have to be honest. It felt good. It felt like i was distracting my invisible pain. I tried to jump out of the car wishing that i could just die on the way to the hospital. My sister was there to ensure the car was safe. She was doing all she could to save me and i will never forget. But i what i’ve learned after that was much more precious. I woke up and see things more clearly.
I know whoever is reading this right now. It’s tough. Its hard. I know. It’s difficult to love yourself. There’s no way out. When people speak and reach out to you your mind just shut down.
So my advice is take a deep breath, listen to your small positive voice. Remind yourself what could happen if i’d really die today? No one know hows afterlife really is. Distract your mind!
1. Give yourself time, atleast 24 hours.
Our mind doesn’t really work well at that present moment. It is shallow. Too shallow you cant think of any other solution. So spare yourself some time.
2. Direct call line for yourself or your friend!
There is help , there is hope, you are not alone. They are people that are available for 24/7. Please direct call your respective country suicide lifeline.
3. Dont hesitate to reach out to your phone and call the person you can give your whole trust to
Be vulnerable. Tell them you are feeling suicidal. As the friend, be a good listener, do not judge, or give advice or opinions. Just your undivided attention. A suicidal would NOT want to be alone, advised or interrogate. Just give them a warm hug. Tell them you are there for them no matter what.
4. As for teen, never underestimate of shrug of any threat they make when they say they are suicidal.
Remember, whatever you say at that time matters to them!. Beware of the red flags. E.g : I doing just fine, i feel better off if i leave the world. i dont like to exist, you dont have to worry about me anymore after this, seeking lethal things like razors, pills, writing poems about death , sentiments to hurt or kill oneselve, preparing wills, giving away personal beloved belongings etc.
5. Store and keep away all dangerous items around, Guns, razors, knives, pills etc out of their sight untill the crisis is over.
A suicidal person will do whatever it takes to end his life when he really wants it.
6. Adding your protective factors!
Find a reason for you to stay. For you to keep going. Anything!
1- Religion. If you are a practicing muslim, you would know the syaitan duty’s is to mislead the following of Adams that one will never grant jannah if commited suicide.
2- Parents. Mother or Father or any guardian that raised you . Imagine how heartbroken they will be if you were to leave them.
3- Loved ones. Your spouse, you childrens, any of your family members.
4- Achievements. Its doesnt matter if its small or big. Would you willing to leave all that behind?